I Want to Love Him More

For the past nine years, I have lived a life that is not my own. When I entered into this love-relationship with Jesus, I gave up the right to live my own way. However, since that day, I have repeatedly tried to take back parts of my life and realized that I hadn't fully given every part of me to Him in the first place. My heart's desire is to truly give all that I am to the Lover of my soul yet I find that ever so difficult to do. 1 John 2:6 tells me that if I claim to abide in Him, I ought to walk in the same way in which Jesus walked. That means everything; every decision, both big and small, is no longer my own to make. I must learn to walk as Jesus did. I must learn to give up all of my own ways of doing things and my propensity for taking back control of my life. I must learn to honor my Father with every part of me, my words, my actions, my body, my thoughts, my plans, my dreams, everything. I know that I can never do this on my own, but my Father never expected me to. He is the One who is teaching me what it means to follow Him. More and more I am learning how poor, stupid, wretched and blind I am on my own. My utter depravity when left to my own devices is alarming. I need Jesus more than I need food or water, more than I need sleep, more than I even need air to breathe. I love Him fiercely, but compare with the love and grace He shows me every second of the day, my love is bitter hatred. I desperately long to love Him in the way He deserves, but the best I can do is to love Him a little more with each passing day.

Praying for Passion

Mmm... Russia... There are so many things I could say about this country and culture. Life here is so different! Sometimes its frustrating, sometimes its exhausting, oftentimes its confusing. Yet, even in the midst of the frustration, exhaustion, and confusion, the people and their culture are SO beautiful! There is so much potential in these people and a desire for life to the fullest. I see it especially in the young people; my students here are so motivated. My deep desire is that my friends here will discover the fullness of life that comes through faith in Jesus. My heart breaks for the lostness of this city that is my home for these two short months. I am praying for passion to spread like wildfire among the believers here, passion that starts revival! I am praying for the good news of Jesus' love, life, death, and resurrection to spread throughout this city until everyone has heard! Please, Jesus, pour out Your Spirit on this place and these people!!

Misplaced Loyalties

This is Memorial Day Weekend here in the States. Memorial Day is a secular national holiday that was created for the purpose of remembering and honoring soldiers and veterans. Somewhere along the way of history, the American church has whole-heartedly embraced this holiday and the patriotism that accompanies it. This morning at church, we started the service with a procession of the American and Christian flags, the Star Spangled Banner and the Pledge of Allegiance. Seemingly apologetically, the Pledge to the Christian flag was thrown in as well. Then all of our music time this morning was patriotic music. As this show of Americana was taking place, my heart was breaking! Here we were, assembled to worship God and we pledge ourselves to a country that is not our home. (As Christians, our citizenship is in heaven despite what our passports might say!) Then, instead of singing songs in honor and worship of our King Jesus, we sing about how great this country is. Surely our 'worship' this morning was not the pleasing and acceptable kind of worship that we were created for. Now, don't get me wrong, I am thankful for my American passport and the freedoms that come with it, but I am MUCH more thankful for my heavenly citizenship and the unmerited love and grace of my KING JESUS!

How Did We Get Here?

I spent some time tonight talking with a friend about life, faith, church and just about everything else under the sun. It is amazing how God uses unexpected people in my life to confirm His promptings and compellings.

When Jesus sent out His followers, he didn't instruct them to build huge campuses and re-carpet the gym every couple of years. He didn't tell them to make themselves at home and as comfortable as possible. Jesus never even said they should invite people to church. He told His followers to GO. They were to go into all the world. They were to take the light, life and love of Jesus to the broken, wounded and dying in the dark and lonely places. They were, as we are, to LOVE and allow Jesus to draw people to Himself through that love.

How have we as the body of Christ gotten so far away from that purpose? Jesus is prompting, compelling, and wooing me into a lifestyle of missional living. What exactly does that look like? I'm not really sure yet, but I know it involves popping my 'christian bubble' and loving tangibly in the midst of the brokenness around me.

When DID I grow up?

Life is crazy and I don't really know when I suddenly became and adult but here I find myself. I have had 2 job interviews over the phone with a school in Champaign. They just asked me to call again next week to chat with some of the teachers and get to know them. This is kind of like my 3rd interview with them and I have a really good feeling about it. I hope that I get this job but even if I don't, I know that the Lord has something for me. I can't hardly believe that I have made it to this point in my life. I have graduated from university, I am finishing up 4 1/2 months in South Africa, and I am interviewing for a real, "Big Kid" job! When did all this happen? I am in awe of how things are just progressing into normalcy as an adult. This is something I have been afraid of most of my life and here it is just happening around me. I still feel like I'm 12 most of the time but yet I am (somewhat) successfully seeming to navigate my adult life. It definitely helps that I am not the one in control and I know that but it still doesn't make too much sense most of the time. I wonder if this is how it feels for most people. One day I will wake up and find myself wrinkled and matured but I bet I will still feel like a 12 year old. But for now I guess, 23 and counting!

Thoughts...

Here are some things I have been chewing on for a while now...

I think my favorite thing about being here is just getting to sit and hear people's stories. Everyone has a story, both here and back home, and it seems that just about everyone wants someone who will listen. I love to hear about where people come from and what things have happened in their lives to bring them to where they are today. It is also really cool to be able to show people that God also has a story and how they can fit into God's story. Most people have a hard time really understanding how much God does love them and how much He wants to be a part of their story as well. However, it is really amazing to see when people finally do accept God's love for them! They are completely changed by this amazing love that none of us can fully understand!

Last week I went to an AIDS orphanage and spent the day caring for the babies. There were 2 four-month-olds there who they just found out were HIV NEGATIVE!!! This was totally amazing and these babies will probably be adopted!! Also, there was an 11-day-old who was SO precious! He won't be able to be tested for a couple of months because the babies have to be 3 months old to be tested for HIV. I spent most of the day praying that he would not have it. It was really hard to see the other children though, knowing that they will die young because of this disease that was passed to them by their parents. However, I know that my time there just caring for and loving on them will make a difference. I want them to know that God loves them more than anything and that I love them too.

There are so many thing here that are much like home. It is a big city and so much is the same. However, this is still Africa and there are still thousands dying everyday from AIDS. My heart breaks for this place and these people. Why aren't we as the body of Christ doing more for these people? Why is there so much wealth in America while little babies here are dying from preventable diseases? I just can't understand the mindset that we live under. What has gone so wrong in our hearts that we let this happen and then stand by and do virtually NOTHING to help these people? Where are Jesus' hands and feet? How can we sit by and NOT be broken by this? How can I go home in couple of months and resume my normal life while these babies are dying? How can I have been so complacent for so long?

Abiding in Him

Good Morning Friends!!

This has been another week of abiding in the the Lord's grace! We have been busy as usual but enjoying everyday.

My time at St. Vincent School for the Deaf is going well. Last week I was able to spend a good deal of time interacting with the kids. I am starting to understand more and more of what they are saying to me. This week I am going on Tuesday instead of Thursday. Please pray for Kim, the teacher I am working with. She really has a heart for seeing those kids come to know the Lord. Pray that the kids would be able to see the LOVE of Jesus in her life. Also, pray that her Bible studies with them would be fruitful and productive.

I am teaching the kindergarten class at Aurora on Wednesdays and that is going well. I am starting to know the kids a little better and they are starting to warm up to me as well. Although I spend most of the day with the youngest kids, during the break times, the older girls always ask me to tell them stories. I was able to share the Gospel with several of the grade 6 and 7 girls this week. Please pray that they would really come to understand the LOVE that Jesus has for them in a life-changing way.

Friday nights are youth nights at the church. I have really been enjoying my time with the kids and with the youth. This week we are having a big event and I am sharing my testimony. Please pray for me as I prepare for this time. Also, please pray that the Lord would be softening the hearts of the kids so they will be receptive to hearing the good news of Jesus!

Easter weekend, Amanda and I are hoping to go to Cape Town with Faslune and her family. Please pray for us as we make plans for this. We are currently pricing tickets and are hoping to find some that are within our price range. Their family is driving but there isn't room in the car for us. Please pray that we will be able to find cheap tickets.

We are continuing to meet more and more people in the apartment complex and the Lord is giving us amazing opportunities for building relationships with those people. Please keep praying for us to have boldness as we seek to share the love of Jesus with these people.

I am currently looking for jobs for August. Please pray for me as I am doing that. I want to teach where the Lord's wants me to teach.

Thank you so much for your prayers and support. Please let me know how I can be praying for you as well. I love you and miss you!

Sending my love from Africa,
Nikki Lutes